From pemv-net@communityforum.net Mon May 5 13:20:01 2003 From: pemv-net@communityforum.net (pemv-net@communityforum.net) Date: Mon May 5 13:20:01 2003 Subject: [Pemv-net] How do women recruit men as allies? In-Reply-To: <20030505171616.67225.qmail@web10301.mail.yahoo.com> Message-ID: <20030505180923.39865.qmail@web13502.mail.yahoo.com> --0-1789662916-1052158163=:39492 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii I am so glad to see this discussion going on! Engaging men is exactly the approach we need to end violence. My question is, in communities where there is no male leadership against violence, how can women recruit allies? I have tried to explain the concept of empowered by-standers to a student group I am involved with, and all I got was a flurry of backlash and "male-basher" labels. Do any women have successful strategies to gather male support? pemv-net-admin@communityforum.net wrote:* How can men provide leadership in this area without usurping women’s leadership? Men can claim responsibility for their own action/inaction/attitudes. Violence is so widespread because it is a cultural norm for men to be aggressive, so if a man speaks against it, he is seen as weak, when truly it takes a strong man to stand up for what he believes in. Mostly, men are already in positions of power to effect change, the question is why don't they. * How can we expand the number of men who, while not public leaders, can nonetheless see themselves as empowered bystanders who can confront abusive peers? The same whay women started their organizations, grassroots, providing support for one another. The more it becomes "acceptable" to not be abusive, the more men will feel comfortable speaking against it. * How else can we bring into the big tent new and diverse constituencies of men and women, including men’s organizations not known for their advocacy around the issues of men’s violence? Educating as many people as possible on the widespread effects of domestic violence. So often seen as a private and/or woman's issue, as a social isssue it has enormous impact on everyone. The damage to the individual family is obvious, but the way it impacts communities at large is often not accounted for. The financial ramifications for employers, the amount of tax dollars spent on prison's, the list goes on and on and can be applied to any organization. * What are the costs and benefits of engaging new partners who might or might not have the depth of experience or the ideological affinities of the majority of women and men currently in the movement? The benefit would be reaching reaching people whom you may not otherwise have an opportunity to reach. However, you would need to educate them to the facts of the movement and offer resources to people who do have the experience/knowledge. Educating is great, but you would need to be sure as what people are being educated. * What are some of the compromises necessary in order to broaden the coalition of stakeholders? __________________________________ Do you Yahoo!? The New Yahoo! Search - Faster. Easier. Bingo. http://search.yahoo.com _______________________________________________ Pemv-net mailing list Pemv-net@communityforum.net http://www.communityforum.net/mailman/listinfo/pemv-net --------------------------------- Do you Yahoo!? The New Yahoo! Search - Faster. Easier. Bingo. --0-1789662916-1052158163=:39492 Content-Type: text/html; charset=us-ascii
I am so glad to see this discussion going on! Engaging men is exactly the approach we need to end violence. My question is, in communities where there is no male leadership against violence, how can women recruit allies? I have tried to explain the concept of empowered by-standers to a student group I am involved with, and all I got was a flurry of backlash and "male-basher" labels. Do any women have successful strategies to gather male support?

pemv-net-admin@communityforum.net wrote:
* How can men provide leadership in this area without
usurping women’s
leadership?
Men can claim responsibility for their own
action/inaction/attitudes. Violence is so widespread
because it is a cultural norm for men to be
aggressive, so if a man speaks against it, he is seen
as weak, when truly it takes a strong man to stand up
for what he believes in. Mostly, men are already in
positions of power to effect change, the question is
why don't they.
* How can we expand the number of men who, while not
public leaders,
can
nonetheless see themselves as empowered bystanders who
can confront
abusive
peers?
The same whay women started their organizations,
grassroots, providing support for one another. The
more it becomes "acceptable" to not be abusive, the
more men will feel comfortable speaking against it.
* How else can we bring into the big tent new and
diverse
constituencies of
men and women, including men’s organizations not known
for their
advocacy
around the issues of men’s violence?
Educating as many people as possible on the widespread
effects of domestic violence. So often seen as a
private and/or woman's issue, as a social isssue it
has enormous impact on everyone. The damage to the
individual family is obvious, but the way it impacts
communities at large is often not accounted for. The
financial ramifications for employers, the amount of
tax dollars spent on prison's, the list goes on and on
and can be applied to any organization.
* What are the costs and benefits of engaging new
partners who might or
might not have the depth of experience or the
ideological affinities of
the
majority of women and men currently in the movement?
The benefit would be reaching reaching people whom you
may not otherwise have an opportunity to reach.
However, you would need to educate them to the facts
of the movement and offer resources to people who do
have the experience/knowledge. Educating is great,
but you would need to be sure as what people are being
educated.
* What are some of the compromises necessary in order
to broaden the
coalition of stakeholders?


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The New Yahoo! Search - Faster. Easier. Bingo.
http://search.yahoo.com
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The New Yahoo! Search - Faster. Easier. Bingo. --0-1789662916-1052158163=:39492-- From pemv-net@communityforum.net Mon May 5 13:52:01 2003 From: pemv-net@communityforum.net (pemv-net@communityforum.net) Date: Mon May 5 13:52:01 2003 Subject: [Pemv-net] discussion from Jackson, MI Message-ID: <003201c31336$d1e58eb0$b65c510c@jimmy88> Posted by: Dani Meier I am writing as a member of a new group, The Real MEN's Project (Men Embracing Non-Violence) in Jackson, Michigan. The name, Real MEN, is an attempt to reclaim the stereotype of macho that underlies the = traditional notion of "real men" as tough, violent, etc. We believe "real men" are good, gentle, loving men and still "real men." We are a loose handful of local men and the group was born out of a controversial, sold-out performance here of THE VAGINA MONOLOGUES which, years ago, gave rise to V-DAY, a global campaign to end violence against women. I wrote and read an introduction of the male part to the actual performance and the jist of my message was that it was time for men to = step up to the plate and accept OUR role in ending violence. So through this group, we're trying to do that. We are targeting Father's Day as a kickoff campaign with billboards and posters that show affectionate fathers and sons with the message "Teach = our sons: Real MEN don't hit" and a contact # for info. re: ending domestic and sexual violence. We're about prevention, both consciousness raising among adult men (and women) and some education stuff targeting kids in schools for our longer term agenda. Still looking at curricula for that. We've met exactly 3 times so we have no non-profit status or any of that = but that may come later. As for how to recruit men, I'm not sure what's the way. Perhaps targeting Dads as fathers, highlighting their crucial role = in creating good men, modeling non-violence, and being a role model not = just for their sons but for their daughters of the kind of men they seek as adults. Tapping men on the personal level that they can relate to even = if they don't see it as a political or social justice issue (yet). ***************************** Dani Meier, PhD, ACSW meier@jps.k12.mi.us (517) 841-3725 From pemv-net@communityforum.net Mon May 5 14:28:00 2003 From: pemv-net@communityforum.net (pemv-net@communityforum.net) Date: Mon May 5 14:28:00 2003 Subject: [Pemv-net] Note from moderators - please sign your email postings Message-ID: <003a01c3133c$55921b70$b65c510c@jimmy88> Dear Discussion Participants,=20 The first two emails posted for this discussion did not indicate the = name of the individual who sent the email. We apologize to you and the senders = for this oversight.=20 If you would like to send an email to the discussion list please sign = your email before we post it to the list. If you would like to share the = name of your organization, your website or your email with the discussion community, please include those also at the end of the message. Thank you for your consideration,=20 BPI-Moderators=20 From pemv-net@communityforum.net Mon May 5 15:46:01 2003 From: pemv-net@communityforum.net (pemv-net@communityforum.net) Date: Mon May 5 15:46:01 2003 Subject: [Pemv-net] Recruiting men from Shel Anderson Message-ID: <005401c31347$5238b640$b65c510c@jimmy88> We recently had a successful Take Back The Night Event here in rural = Oregon. A man who came to the microphone to speak talked about sexual assaults suffered by his mother and his wife. He felt those attacks on women as directly impacting him, and had been looking for a way to feel effective = in working against violence against women. His plan is to begin with the = men's group at his church.=20 Shel Anderson Women's Crisis Support Team Grants Pass Oregon From pemv-net@communityforum.net Mon May 5 16:22:01 2003 From: pemv-net@communityforum.net (pemv-net@communityforum.net) Date: Mon May 5 16:22:01 2003 Subject: [Pemv-net] RE: Recruiting men (from Sally J. Laskey) Message-ID: <007201c3134c$43672020$b65c510c@jimmy88> The thing that I have found most successful in recruiting men is = inviting them, personally, to participate. I have also heard from many others = across the country that providing opportunities for and being present with = men/boys as they define what they can contribute and why they want to do this = work is paramount. Some programs have created outreach materials that provide a = few concrete ideas on how men can end violence and others have just started = with one project and expanded as the energy grew. =20 Sally J. Laskey National Sexual Violence Resource Center From pemv-net@communityforum.net Mon May 5 17:48:00 2003 From: pemv-net@communityforum.net (pemv-net@communityforum.net) Date: Mon May 5 17:48:00 2003 Subject: [Pemv-net] RE: Recruiting men (from Wendy Anderson) Message-ID: <000a01c31358$5970f290$b65c510c@jimmy88> We had a "Put Yourself in Her Shoes" campaign this year in April, in Southern Oregon. We made t-shirts that had a row of women's shoes and = the above caption and recruited guys who were willing to take a stand on the issue. Our original event had to be changed, so we ended up with a = booth at a community faire. The guys were very excited to be involved and handed = out information and brought awareness to the issue of violence against women = to everyone that came by. One guy whose daughter is a survivor presented = the idea to his men's group, other guys were partners, co-workers, etc. who weren't afraid to make a public statement. We hope to build on this = next year. Wendy Anderson, Advocate =20 Community Works, Medford OR. From pemv-net@communityforum.net Mon May 5 18:47:01 2003 From: pemv-net@communityforum.net (pemv-net@communityforum.net) Date: Mon May 5 18:47:01 2003 Subject: [Pemv-net] Response to Building a Big Tent (from Howard Taylor) Message-ID: <000f01c31360$9ac3b090$b65c510c@jimmy88> How can men provide leadership in this area without usurping women's leadership? Keep the focus on men's violence. The problem is very large.=20 Leadership is need at all levels and in all areas. Maybe after some = time we may need to be concerned about usurping women's leadership, but not now. = It will be a great problem to have more leadership than we need. How can we expand the number of men who, while not public leaders, can nonetheless see themselves as empowered bystanders who can confront = abusive peers?=20 Develop male role models in sports, military, politics and = entertainment. Publicize them and get them to come out repeatedly. Create an image of powerful men that do not use violence. How else can we bring into the big tent new and diverse constituencies = of men and women, including men's organizations not known for their = advocacy around the issues of men's violence? =20 Document the costs of men's violence and educate, educate, educate.=20 Role models will help create a bandwagon effect, so that other = organizations will want to be a part. What are the costs and benefits of engaging new partners who might or = might not have the depth of experience or the ideological affinities of the majority of women and men currently in the movement? Keep the mission and advocacy simple, clear and consistent (e.g., = reducing male violence towards women and children). Resist expanding the mission = to include goals of other organizations to get their participation. There = are many worthwhile goals that are consistent and adjacent, but including = them may create problems for other coalition partners, and may siphon = valuable resources away from the prime mission. What are some of the compromises necessary in order to broaden the=20 coalition of stakeholders? Howard Taylor