[Nacac-canadian-issues] Canadian Council of Natural Mothers?

[Sandra Jarvie]

Hi Leceta,

You wrote: "I guess what is important is to really listen. Sometimes one
word can mean so much depending on an individuals experience."

I think that's best. We are all individuals and listening to what a person
wants to be called would probably work quite well. In my opinion, respecting
each other to the benefit of our shared sons and daughters will bring what
is appropriate for each other. Maybe when we can accept that the person
adopted has two mothers, each uniquely valuable, it won't be necessary to
create differentiating labels. A little altruistic no doubt but there must
be a few who have found the right balance in their relationships.

We would hope our name change is a non-issue as far as creating new rules
for labelling. Many of us are mothers and grandmothers and find it demeaning
and unnecessary to wear the labels of the past [the not so recent and
recent]. We are simply acknowledging who we are, mothers.

Adoption language historically has perpetuated unjust negative stereotyping
for a great many of us. It's very sad to hear some young mothers today
questioning why they are not respected as "birth mothers". These same young
mothers were told they were making a "loving choice" but what they weren't
told before the baby was gone, was that the "loving" part didn't include
them. Most people separated by adoption have not reconnected with each other
and so many are searching while our laws slowly, very slowly change. There's
still a lot of work to be done that can be positive in healing from the
past.

Our organization is not limited to the adoption community and is active in
other areas of support for mothers who have not lost children to adoption.
CC of Natural Mothers encompasses areas that refer to mothers in a wider
variety of circumstances. As we discussed in our previous notes, adoption is
not an isolated event and it is important that we distinguish between child
protection and the protection of mother and child.

I find that because I rarely, if ever, speak for any other member of the
adoption community except mothers who have lost children, the use of
"natural" to differentiate is quite minimal.

I hope that answers your questions and gives a sense that we simply want to
be who we are, mothers.

Thank you again Leceta.

Respectfully,

Sandra









-----Original Message-----
From: nacac-canadian-issues-admin@communityforum.net
[mailto:nacac-canadian-issues-admin@communityforum.net]On Behalf Of
Leceta Chisholm Guibault
Sent: November 28, 2002 8:27 AM
To: nacac-canadian-issues@communityforum.net
Subject: Re: [Nacac-canadian-issues] Canadian Council of Natural
Mothers?


Thank you Sandra for clarifying this topic even further. I don't think
either one of us has misunderstood the purpose of this list...at least I
hope not! We are certainly discussing Canadian adoption related issues and I
thank you for giving me the opportunity to ask questions and to be
enlightened by your answers and experience.

I have received a large number of private messages from adoptive parents
after I shared your Awareness Month statement. The majority are very
concerned because after years of trying to be more sensitive to all members
of the triad and using positive or "PC" adoption language...I think I single
handedly pulled the rug out from under many yesterday! (with your help :o)
All of the parents who contacted me asked for advice on how to refer to
their children's birth/first/bio/genetic/natural/other/real/mother.

It was out of genuine respect and sincerity that I asked "why" the Council
of Birthmother's was changing it's name. My son's Colombian mother refers to
herself as his "madre biologico" or his "other mother". I believe that every
birthmother I spoke to at the conference in Toronto last week referred to
themselves as their child's "birthmother". But...if the Council of Natural
Mother's would like to be referred to as such...I will respect this. I guess
what is important is to really listen. Sometimes one word can mean so much
depending on an individuals experience.

Thank you again Sandra AND Holly!

Leceta in Quebec
Mom to two from Latin America ages 11 1/2 and 8
Board member of the ACC and the Federation of Quebec Adoptive Parents.

<<<I've included both as you've both addressed the same issue of "birth
mother." It isn't an issue nor did I make it one on this list. Many of us
don't use the term and never have. Whatever term a mother chooses to use is
up to her. What does our name or name change have to do with the purpose of
this list? I'm not sure of the meaning and focus of the responses in that
area.>>



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